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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28267080">I'm sorry</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/missgriffin30/pseuds/missgriffin30'>missgriffin30</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Maze Runner (Movies), The Maze Runner Series - All Media Types, The Maze Runner Series - James Dashner</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Chuck mentioned - Freeform, Gen, Gender Not Specified, Intense, Minho mentioned - Freeform, Newt is in Love, Oneshot, Suicide Attempt, The Glade, alby mentioned, so are you, youve been warned</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 21:01:09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,803</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28267080</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/missgriffin30/pseuds/missgriffin30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>After you don't come back from the maze and the doors close, Newt spirals into dark thoughts. Very dark thoughts.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Newt (Maze Runner)/Reader, Newt (Maze Runner)/You</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>50</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>I'm sorry</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Okay, so this is my first fic. I just love Newt (also Newtmas) and I decided to do a fic about him. Your gender doesn't matter. Hope you like it! Enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Newt started to get nervous an hour before the doors closed. It was becoming more and more difficult to continue doing his work. All the other runners had arrived about 40 minutes ago, even Minho. But not you.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He started getting anxious half an hour before the doors closed. The other Gladers noticed how he glanced every two seconds at the doors, and how disappointed he looked when nobody came through them.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ten minutes before they closed, he left all his work and went to stare through the doors. The seconds passed and people started to gather around the doors too, but you still weren’t crossing them. You still hadn’t gotten out of that maze. Newt stared and stared past those doors. People tried to get his attention, to distract him. He even heard Alby’s soothing voice, trying to calm him, he supposed. But nothing was working. He just stared at the maze, ignoring everyone else.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And then the dreaded noise came. He heard THAT loud and clear. He started panicking, stopped breathing. Newt heard the engines of the doors start working as if they were in slow motion and there was still no trace of you. He started murmuring things to himself. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No please, not yet, no…” His eyes started to form tears. “I don’t want to lose you. I CAN’T lose you” his tears started falling as he realised that, even if you appeared, you wouldn’t fit through the doors. As the doors closed, he murmured a please before falling to the floor.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>After two minutes of stillness and silence, the Gladers started going to have dinner, all of them sad. It was never great to lose someone.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Everybody left. Except Newt. He got closer to the door and sat there, letting the tears fall free, listening to the maze. Chuck went over at some point, bringing him some food. Newt wasn’t hungry.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He sat there, just in front of the doors for hours. For the whole night. Everyone else went to sleep. But how could people sleep? How could people sleep when his whole world was gone? The reason why he got up day after day? So he didn’t sleep. He stared at the doors. The sun started going up and Newt let himself have some hope. Just a little. The doors opened slowly, too slowly. He got up quickly and stared at the maze. Nothing. No one. He faltered and his legs couldn’t hold him any longer so he fell to the floor again. A dark thought crossed his mind. He pushed it away quickly and gave you and himself five more minutes. The five minutes passed but he still stared at the maze. But as ten more minutes passed, he lost all his hope. He suddenly got angry. Angry at the maze, angry at whoever that brought them to the Glade, angry at those shucking doors. Angry at you for not coming back to him. Angry at him for letting himself have hope. And his anger gave way to sadness. And he finally let that thought enter his mind. It was a familiar thought, although stronger than other times. He had only succumbed to it once. But the pain was too much. Life wasn’t worth it anymore. You weren’t there to make him smile. You weren’t there to tell him that you were all going to get out. You weren’t there to tell him you would come back to him. You just weren’t there. And his life wasn’t worth it without you in it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He looked around the Glade. People were slowly beginning to wake up. He wondered if they would miss him. He turned around and entered the maze.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Goodbye”.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>************************************************************************************************</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Running. You still had some time. You heard the noise behind you, so you whipped your head around. You saw a shadow moving. You searched around, desperately looking for a hideout. You wanted to go back to the Glade, to Newt, but you knew the Griever would catch you before. You looked around and you saw those climbing plants on the floor, next to a wall. You throw yourself to the floor but you hit your head. You start seeing white spots, but still have enough common sense to hide yourself between those plants so the Grievers can’t see you. Your last thought before you faint is “Newt would call me a shucking idiot for dying this way.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>You woke up slowly, trying to remember what had happened. The sun was creeping through the plants. Your head hurts and you have problems focusing. You slowly remember what had happened and you finally realise where you are. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>You had survived! You weren’t so idiot if you’d managed to survive a night in the maze. Idiot. Shucking idiot. You try to think why these two words feel so familiar. Newt! You bolt up from your position. He must be so worried! </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>You look around, trying to know in which part of the maze you are. When you do you sprint back to the Glade.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>You arrive panting and your back hurts from being on the floor a whole night, in addition to your headache. You see a crowd in front of the doors and talking with sadness in their voice. But then Minho sees you and goes into the maze to help you.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No way! How the shuck are you alive?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>You hear people ask the same question. You manage a weak smile and you continue approaching the doors, scanning the crowd. That’s weird. Newt is nowhere to be seen. You finally enter the Glade. People circle you, but Newt isn’t there. You search through them and some of the Gladers understand who you’re searching for and make a weird face. After five minutes with greetings, you approach Alby and Minho, who are talking to each other quietly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“... ou sure?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, I’m sure. I saw him going into the maze just as I was getting out of the map cabin” answers Minho.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>No. No. You try to think clearly. It doesn’t mean Newt went into the maze. It could be anyone else. But you know that’s not true. You suddenly remember a conversation you had with him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“I was depressed. I had nothing to live for. So one morning I went into the maze, climbed a wall and threw myself to the floor. I wanted to die. I wanted to die so shucking bad. But Alby found me. And I didn’t die. And I continued being depressed. Until you came up in the Box. You’re the reason I’m happy, Y/n.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Would he? If he thought you were dead, would he kill himself? You didn’t overthink. You didn’t even think. Your only thought was Newt. Getting to Newt. So you ran again. This time into the maze. You heard screams telling you to come back, you heard footsteps trying to follow you. But you continued running. You didn’t even think where you were going. You were on autopilot, going to the wall where he had thrown himself off the last time. You ran. And ran.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>You finally arrived and you saw his figure nearing the end of the superior part of the wall.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Newt! NEWT!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>************************************************************************************************</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Newt had been running for ten minutes and his bad leg was already hurting so bad. But que had to arrive. He finally arrived. The tallest wall in the maze. He kind of respected that wall. It was where he was going to die, after all. He slowly climbed the wall, a route that was familiar. He arrived at the top and breathed. He could see the whole maze from there, even the Glade. It was so peaceful there. A single tear escaped his eyes and he turned around. He didn’t want to die alone, not this time. So he pictured you. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He pictured you slowly waking up in his arms and sighing and opening your eyes, seeing him and lazily smiling.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He pictured you coming back early from running and going straight to where he is to talk or walk or just be with him, even though you’re tired.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He pictured him saying that you have to lay down because you must be exhausted and you fondly telling him to shut his shucking mouth.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He pictured how you looked when you were frustrated because he was being overprotective.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He could even hear you saying his name.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He pictured you as he walked over the edge. You smiling. You getting his hair out of his eyes. You.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He gave the last step, no longer feeling solid under his foot. Looking up front, not under. And he welcomed death like an old friend.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>************************************************************************************************</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>You pushed him with all your strength. You had been climbing up the wall as quick as your body allowed. You were tired but kept going. You saw him nearing the end. No. You climbed quicker. You were almost there. But so was he. You arrived as he was getting his foot out. You pushed him behind, falling on top of him. Suddenly, all your adrenaline was gone and breathing was much more difficult. But you didn’t let go of him. You struggled to lift your head, but did anyway. You looked at Newt’s face. He had that confused frown you loved. You were so happy to have arrived in time. But then you got angry. You sat (still on top of him) and punched his shoulder, letting your tears fall free. Happy tears for having found him. Sad tears of the thought of losing him. Angry tears at him for even thinking about killing himself.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re a shucking idiot. Idiot. Bloody idiot.” you cried as you punched him again and again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Y/n?” he asked, still confused. His eyes got watery. “But you’re supposed to be dead…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And you’re supposed to not die!” you cried</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I- I thought you were-were dead” he was now fully crying.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well I’m not! How could you even THINK of killing yourself again! Do you really think I would want you to die, even if I was dead? Newt…” you said, crying and yelling at the same time. You just wanted him to understand that you wanted him alive. You needed him alive.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m so sorry. I thought- I thought… And I just couldn’t live without you. I can’t. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry” he cried and repeated as he hugged you. You breathed him in, relieved.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I love you so much Newt. And if I ever die, I don’t want you to follow. I want you to live. I want you to live </span>
  <em>
    <span>for me</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Please. I can’t- I can’t let you die.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I love you. I love you Y/n. I’m so sorry. I’m sorry.” he said, not letting you go. He hadn’t answered your petition, but you would work on it. Together. </span>
</p>
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